Heart broken into pieces..wat i hav done

I cried again!!! stupid Lillian cry for useless brother..i reali cnt believe myself until explode my anger by smashing my bro's head wiv a dictionary on my hand tt time...sometime i reali dunno y, y cnt i juz lyk a steady elder sis and respect by them..in alternate way, am nt...ersh. worse cum to worst, am e one being bullied by him, and he treats me lyk a weather sometime bright sometimes dark...tt e hell, i reali sick of tt..by e way, unbelievable is my tolerant becum violence...oh gosh, i reali tak blh tahan lah e way he talk k3p on protest n protecting his own self...tt nt e time for him to "self protect"...he reali hurt me hw cum he tot his e one tolerant me for so long, am doing e same things...imagine, most of his time is sitting there doing nth, throwing rubbish everywhere putting the cup all over place tt he went even though am buzying he wont gv his hand or bother wat he did n tk it as granted (oh my); am e one quietly doing all does chores for so long wivthout complaining .cnt he noe tt am buzy recently all wiv my own work n he oso doing tt work for three days n he oledi mad wiv it.. as a family we all nd to tolerant tt e way to be peace rite...n all his mind nw is granted n revenge n get even gt e power...juz becoz i smashing him, he ask he's hurt bt hw abt me, i rarely gt into fight wiv them since i grow up am trying to be good to him, and he trying to gt e advance?? he always the one pick the fight 1st, he bullying me for so many times n i juz beat him once..is tt unfair..n nw he's tking revenge...i tink he should learn tt beside he has his own anger, e others oso have it juz tt we r controlling unlike him splashing it out when he reached home, me and e youngest bro ll be e victims no matter hw we feel or.....and i dunno y i gt involve into in e main reason of him was i din bother him when he calling me. hey. am calculating the graph hw should i answering him, and he cnt wait even for 10 seconds after i had done?? am v sure tt he noe am doing homework,thn he was angryly throwing all e books on me..on tt time i all most done, of coz i shouting complaining to him of his behaviour (for guys who noe clear abt me after tt i ll continue wiv my work rite) he angry juz becoz am shouting on him, he dun tink is his fault n tink tt is a big deal...no feel to aplogize started to bully me(u noe tt graph v hard to draw n i wan to mk it neatly !! unlike him wont tk everytin seriously), and nw he start to bully me by smashing all those books on my head when i was editing the graph, pulling e chair purposely knocked on my ''right elbow'' wic juz recover frm surgery it so pain!!.....n even pulling my hair...am so stressed out on tis time i reali cnt tink vividly i dun wan to talk it anymore....i wont bother him...his action reali childish and over..he wont care of me for wat i cried for him, i juz kesian my parent so hard for nth useless for him, learning to be violence onli and the sibling all the wishes his liked